Blog-o-rama | ST:TNGeez Scripts, Clips, & More

August 11, 2023

Just Like the One Winged Vortex

So it’s Episode five of Season Four and the boys manage to bring music videos from the 1980s and 90’s into Trek. It makes sense, the episode features a vortex after all, anything could get sucked into it.

Andrew: The Vortex Effect, they do it with lasers and dry ice The first time I saw that.

Dave: It’s like a fog machine.

Andrew: And laser lights. It immediately reminded me of music videos. No one out here in the universe except me seems to remember the Belle Stars and the Song “Sign of the Times” from 1983. Do yourself a favor and watch the video on Youtube, you can see it.

Dave: It’s a good song.

Andrew: They absolutely use the fog and the lasers…(Andrew sings) “Sign of the times…blah blah blah blah blah”.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOJMU6pnGLE

Picard: You’re nailing it!

Andrew: You’ve seen that effect a million times.

Dave: On all kinds of shows.

Andrew: Whoever was watching MTV and saw that effect and was like Oi! We gotta use that in Next Generation, we do!

Dave: I was looking for more videos with that effect – I went online after you got so excited about this music video…

Andrew: I really did.

Dave: I was looking at 80’s music videos trying to find other ones because I know this effect was just everywhere. I swear to God, I thought it was in this Stevie Nicks video…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwS9BIqbffU

Andrew: Stand Back!

Dave: “Stand Back” that she famously – she loved Prince and wanted to get a Prince sound in one of her songs and I love that song. Prince came in and did some work on it with her. Do yourself a favor everyone. Watch the video for “Stand Back” with Stevie Nicks. I love Stevie Nicks but this thing is so dated! I was laughing out loud watching it.

Andrew: It’s pretty funny.

Dave: To me Stevie Nicks is cool, she’s a cool person. She’s on a treadmill at one point – Running on a treadmill, going backwards. There’s neon lights going all around her. It’s the height of silliness. It’s the epitome of an Eighties music video. For a song I really love – it’s just so silly.

Andrew: You know what is also a silly video in that same vein – there’s a bunch of goofy dancers in it, which made me laugh. It’s “Love is a Battlefield” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGVZOLV9SPo

by Pat Benitar. It’s hilarious because it’s one of those videos that tries to tell a story. The story is that Pat Benitar and her girl gang are sex workers…

PICARD: WE ARE YOUNG!

Andrew: They turn on their pimp or the guy who’s exploiting them, and they dance him to death.

Dave: The guy with the shiny teeth!

PICARD: Look at these girl! They’re dancing now! What’s a pimp to do?

Dave: I love that era! I don’t know who started this, the dancing like that, but it’s hysterical. It was in every music video – this troop of dancers and their dancing is all coordinated together. The Stevie Nicks one, the “Stand back in the middle of the room, I will not think of you”. The dancers that are dancing with her, they dance and then they do this freeze from with each cut at the end of each dancer for no reason other than to make me laugh hysterically up here in the Twenty Twenties. It’s so funny, it was like comedy therapy watching it.

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January 13, 2023

A Trip To The Moon

Do you remember the science fiction show that turned the moon on its ear? It was Space 1999, from the 1970’s and Andrew and Dave remember the shit out of it in Season Three, of ST:TNGEEZ! Not Another Star Trek Podcast.

Admiral Andrew: Do you remember Space 1999?

Commander Dave E Dave: Oh my god… how could I ever forget it?

A: Explosions cause the moon to fly out of orbit and it’s destroying the planet — the last contact they have with Earth… It’s like (CRACKLE)..the tides are out of…(CRACKLE)…the planet is going…(CRACKLE)And the idea is that the moon, because of course, inertia, the moon is flying across the universe.

D: I watched that show as a kid.

Andrew does theme music from Space 1999 from his mouth

D: It had this weird 70’s vibe, so it had this funky weird music and acting. I swear to god, if there was a Star Trek up against that show, clearly everybody would have been watching Star Trek. 1999 was like… (Hollywood voice) How do we make a space show… a Star Trek basically, where they’re not on a space ship? What else could we do?

I don’t know what kind of a Hollywood drug party was going on when they invented this. The invention that you would whack our moon out of orbit and that that would become a vehicle to fly across the galaxy! It goes to other planets and stuff, and encounters other aliens…it’s so out of control, it makes you wonder….

A: Moon Base Alpha!

D: Why couldn’t they just be on another space ship? You know, Trek didn’t invent space ships!

A: But Gerry Anderson is the one who invented it, and Gerry Anderson is also famous for coming up with the Thunderbirds, and some other British science fiction shows starring puppets.

D: Good for them for making it, and it’s so weird…

A: The fact that it’s starring Martin Landau and Barbara Bain… For those of you who don’t know, look them up. Martin Landau won an academy award for Crimes and Misdemeanors. Later on in life.

D: Many, many years later — The Woody Allen Movie. And he was nominated for the Tim Burton movie, I don’t know if he won…

A: He played Bella Lugosi — Ed Wood! There’s nothing funnier to me than that Martin Landau would be the action star of a science fiction series.

D: The idea that you would propel the moon is more outrageous as a premise than Deep Space 9 as a space ship that doesn’t move in outer space because that’s what it is. We even call Avery Brooks one of the captains because he’s the captain of this thing that floating in space. But, the idea that they couldn’t propel a thing — that even Deep Space 9 couldn’t have been just another goddamned ship — I never understood that, the premise of the show, and 1999 makes even less sense.

A: Space 1999 is one of those shows where you really have to turn off your brain… and it was fun, it was a fun show. And again, at a time again, when there wasn’t a great deal of science fiction…

D: Well, there was no sci-fi on TV, that was probably one show that was on, there was just nothing…

For more of this nonsense, check out Episode 13 of Season Three, “Deja Q”!

link to the show..

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July 19, 2022

Con!!!!!

The San Diego International Comic Convention is about to return live and in the COVID- soaked flesh for the first time in two years. The convention has been deemed “The CON” by those who know it well, like Andrew. Admiral Andrew has attended The Con ever since the 80’s when Star Trek the Next Generation was actually still on the air. On STTNGeez!, Episode 2.6: “The Schizoid Man,” Andrew and Dave talk about The Con, and Dave (that’s me), well, I go on one of my charming rants about some of the darker corners of the worlds largest comic convention.

Here’s what we said back in the show, and if you like it, feel free to enjoy the full episode!

Andrew: Let’s talk about Ira Graves a little bit.

Dave: Please. Please!

A: He’s played by M. Morgan Shepard. I was trying to explain the Doctor Who connection. That his son is Mark Shepard. And, in Season Six of the reboot, of new Who : Eleventh Doctor, episodes “Impossible Astronaut” and “Day of the Moon”. Morgan Shepard played the same character as Mark Shepard, only, he plays an older version from the future . . . And I’ve met Mark Shepard, I met Mark Shepard at Comic Con. He was a nice guy, he was a little grouchy.

D: Yeah.

A: I think he was just tired. And my friends and I saw him and we were like “Hey, it’s Mark Shepard! (Going nuts for Mark Shepard sound comes from Andrew’s mouth — really, you’ve got to listen). So we said, take a picture with us Mr. Shepard. And he’s like “Oh for god’s sake. You people sicken me, but I’ll take a picture with you if you give money to this charity”. “Promise me you’ll do that.” And then I’m like “Dude. Dude. Totally!” And then he took the picture… And I did, I actually did give the money to charity — I know most people are thinking I said screw it.

D: Yeah, that would have been a lot funnier.

A: Yeah that’s what I did in the story but in real life I actually went — and he was at the booth at the time so he saw me…

D: Okay.

A: And he looked at me but he didn’t acknowledge that I was following through.

D: Andrew is a huge Comic Con goer, okay.

A: Yes I am.

D: And every once in awhile I make it down there.

A: Yes you do.

D: And for various reasons I can’t always get there. Many of those reasons are that I can’t get a goddamn ticket from the stupid comic convention.

A: Laughs

D: For as much as I like to go. But, I gotta tell you something, being somebody who goes to these Cons and seeing these guys get pissed off about stuff like that — it just rubs me the wrong way. At Comic Con you are jammed in there with all these people right? Thousands of people. The bathrooms are overflowing with urine and feces. And then these guys…

A: (Andrew Laughs his ass off).

D: These guys can use those bathrooms, they don’t have to. There are special bathrooms for them. They get to sit in special places. And then people, all day long, come up to them and tell them “Oh I loved you in Doctor Who” and “You’re so wonderful,” and then they have the audacity to complain about…

A: He did not complain.

D: Listen, in your mind you can go through the people, because I know you don’t wan to call them out on our silly little show, just in case we can ever get some guests.

A: Well, we’re never going to get Edward James Olmos. I pee-ed next to him.

D: That’s the one I was going to not mention. But he was grumpy, and it’s like, come on guys.

A: He was grumpy, yes.

D: It’s like COME ON, if you’re going to be grumpy like that…. and I get it, If you’re the kind of person that doesn’t want some goober coming up to you and make you shake their sweaty hand and make you have to talk about some show that isn’t your favorite thing that you were on. Then, don’t go to the CON in the first place. Just stay home.

A: I don’t want to say anything bad about Mark Sheppard, I think he’s wonderful.

D: He is a good actor.

A: And he did stop and take the picture with me.

D: I’m making a bigger point about these people at the Con. We’ve been standing on the floor when Tom Cruise is being ushered through and nobody’s allowed to look at him. Don’t touch him, don’t look!

D: You know what, one of my favorite Comic Con experiences was walking by a table and so close you could touch them, and the whole cast of Next Gen was sitting there, except for Patrick Stewart. They were all right there, and happy. They were saying “We love the fans and we’re going to sit here”. And, even if they were pretending, that’s what you do — you’re an actor, act like you like people.

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September 21, 2021

Let’s Talk Reconstituted Matter, Baby!

It’s season two of a show and your podcast hosts are still talking about poop! If you thought Andrew and Dave were going to let up on the fecal funnies, well, you should know better by now. But really, they’re talking about matter and how the transporters and the more importantly replicators deal with it on the Enterprise:

Dave: Let’s explain this reconstituted shit thing. I know we’re expecting a lot from our listeners but not everyone understands the way that the – food system works and the transporters work on this ship.

Andrew: We have discussed before that they don’t actually have any waste aboard. Because what happens is it all gets obliterated and turned back into energy. We have speculated that when you take a dump on the Enterprise, it doesn’t go down some sort of plumbing system, it just gets energized – it becomes energy that then gets reconstituted because the food comes out of the replicator. What the replicator does is it takes energy and turns it into matter.

Dave as Picard: Earl Gray, hot! Light on feces!

Andrew: Riker explains this whole process in “Lonely Among Us” when he’s trying to talk to the Anticans about their food – This isn’t really meat, it’s as tasty as meat – it looks like meat but what it is, is reconstituted matter. And, where are they getting this reconstituted matter? It can only be from… their own feces. I don’t see where else they’d be getting it unless they stopped at the Matter Store or something.

Dave: It could be from anything.

Andrew: Like what?

Dave: I don’t know. I’ve been an advocate for the feces thing all along.

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July 24, 2021

Computer: “What is a MARY SUE?”

In episode four of season two, “The Outrageous Okona,” we meet a “rogue” played by Billy Campbell. The Enterprise comes across Thadiun Okona, the self-described rakish character with a huge eye for the ladies. It was hard to keep track, but Okona beds four to five crewmembers the first day he’s on board, one of which might be actress Terry Hatcher – Superman where are you now?

Andrew and Dave use the term “Mary Sue” to describe Okona, and it goes something like this:

Andrew: Okona is clearly what we would call a “Mary Sue.” This idealizing character that is clearly a projection of what the writer wants to be. The writer wants to be “a rogue.” It’s so PAINFUL, the way they foreground all this stuff and spill it out in a painfully obvious, clichéd, ham fisted way.

Troi even comes out and gives you a list of adjectives for this guy.

Dave: Right, it’s like when Data’s accessing, and lists: “What is a rogue”… but she’s (Troi’s), not listing what a rogue is. She’s listing what a Mary Sue is which is a term for a… poorly drafted character who thinks too much of themselves and is as shallow as shit, and that’s what this guy is…

Andrew: He’s very shallow.

Dave: And it’s the writing. Diana Troi for once – there’s been a few times when she’s been able to use her abilities but this one she knocks right out of the park! She sees this guy on the view screen and she’s like…

Andrew: She says he’s mischievous, irreverent…

Dave: Right.

Andrew: …Somewhat brazen. The word that best describes him is “rogue.” And then Data has to continue because he’s like a walking thesaurus and it’s a gag that comes up all the time. “Cat, knave, rascal, villain, wild element…”

PICARD: ENOUGH DATA!

Andrew: Oh my bloody god. I get it, and if you don’t get it, his ship is called the Erstwhile for God’s sake. He’s got a pirate shirt with billowy sleeves. He’s got a flashy vest. He’s got these boots

Dave: It’s silly.

Andrew: And that pony tail! Ay dios mio!

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July 17, 2021

Me and Mark

As promised in episode 2.6, here’s the picture of me with actor Mark Shepherd at Comic Con. This was around 2011 because he had been in “The Impossible Astronaut/Day of the Moon” arc in Doctor Who which is why he was able to spot him in the crowd. It’s properly blurry because a stranger was taking it for me for me in the middle of a crowded show floor, and it was rushed because Mr. Shepherd had things to do. Notice he has his badge turned, so you can’t see his name which is a common thing for people of note to do at the con.

The poor man definitely looks tired, but he doesn’t look as grumpy as I remembered him being when some sweaty hump (me) interrupted his attempt to get to a booth for a photo. It was pretty gracious for him to take a moment and indulge me.

There have definitely been other people of note who have not been so gracious, and while I don’t want to post a Wall of Shame, they left a lasting impression on me to the point where I can’t enjoy their work as much as I did before. I mean, I’m sure they’re all decent people at heart, and I shouldn’t judge them based on a very, very brief encounter on a hot, sweaty, loud, and exhausting show floor, but I do.

Not so with Mark shepherd, though. He was kind enough to stop, and he asked for a charity donation which I gladly gave (not to him, but to the charity at their booth).

Sadly, I don’t have any pics of me peeing next to Edward James Olmos.

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April 9, 2021

Season One Rewind!

In this very special episode, Dave and I look back on season one of Star Trek:The Next Generation and TNGeez for the best and the worst: the things that made us laugh, cry, stand up and cheer! We lived, we loved, we loathed, and we learned.

Note: Dave and I didn’t review our lists with each other, so if we have the same answers, it’s just what the Great Bird intended.

We invite you to play along, and here’s the list of categories. Fill in your answers and email to us at thebridge@tngeez.com Who knows. You may get a little treat in return!

The Best and the Worst of TNG Season One:

Best/Worst main character:
Best/Worst episode:
Best/Worst action moment:
Best/Worst secondary character:
Best/Worst guest character:
Best/Worst Alien Race:
Best/Worst Entity:
Best/Worst Title:
Best/Worst Logic:

The Best and the Worst of TNGeez Season One:

Best/Worst Impressions
Best/Worst episode of TNGeez
Best/Worst episode art

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February 27, 2021

Actually, some badges wouldn’t be all that bad . . .

So if you’ve had a moment to enjoy my unboxing video (soon to be videos) on YouTube, then I have some good news for you because here’s a toy blog! Why a blog post and not a video for this toy? Because the video would be two minutes long and filled with my grubby hands trying to get the thing on my shirt without flashing the audience.

And what thing is this? Why, it’s the Quantum Mechanix (QMx) “TNG Badge and Pin Set”! QMx creates props and collectibles, and they have several different Trek products worth looking at, but a lot of them are sold out. One of their better products is this badge set which has been sold out for a few months and is finally back in stock. It’s a measly $20, and you get a pretty nice set for the dough. These are shiny, they’re metal, and they are screen accurate. QMx says, “Using the original hero prop’s actual mold, we faithfully replicated the screen-used badges to ensure complete and total accuracy,” and who am I to contradict them?

Let’s give the set a look.

Packaging:

Collector packaging this ain’t. It’s a pretty basic, but you immediately get a look at the badges which is nice.

You get a stern looking Picard up in the corner which to me is an odd choice. He’s got a look that says, “Put your damn com badge on, dummy!” Or Wes just lost his, or Worf fed his to his Targ.

On the back, you get the basic instructions for using these things that have to be more about touting how easy the badges are to use than actually telling anyone how to use them, right? I mean, if you can’t figure out how to use a magnet or a pin clasp, you probably aren’t too keen a Trek fan. Of course, I say that knowing there are probably people who will struggle with it anyway . . . Ya can’t win, I tell ya!

All of this is packed in a sealed plastic shell with those horrible edges that look like they’re crimped together. I like to watch the Great British Baking Show (*cough*anglophile*cough*), and the edges of packing like this always reminds me of bakers crimping puff pastry, but I digress. I hate these things because they are always a pain in the ass to open. You definitely need scissors or a blade and a strong hand. This packaging is meant to be tossed the minute it’s opened. Remember to recycle.

The com badge:

These are excellent badges, though. The com badge itself is all metal, nice and shiny, and it has weight to it. The shine is high quality, but it’s also a fingerprint magnet, so don’t wear this and commit crimes or the cops will have some prime prints. It also makes it very hard to get on your chest without having to give it a polish. You can also see dust and a cat hair on it, so be sure to clean your house and ignore your cat if you want a pristine look.

As you can see in the pic, there is some rub on the paint at the edge of the delta, and that doesn’t bode well for the future. This bugs me a little because I tend to focus on flaws like that and want to immediately trash it and buy another, but I’m trying to get over it. Due to the intensity of the shine, the paint rub is definitely noticeable when wearing the badge.

The magnet system works incredibly well. QMx says, “And our badges use strong, short-field magnets that are embedded in the badge itself and within a glossy backplate. No more pinholes required, as these badges appear to magically attach to your clothing!” I guess it looks like magic if you’ve never heard of magnets before, but I will say the grip is very damned strong. Put this thing on and you can jump all over the bridge set like Worf on an Aldebaran Jumping Marmit without worrying it’ll fly off. The pull is strong enough that you can put the badge on through a couple of layers of clothing if you have the need to do so.

The lapel pin:

Not too much to say about this little fella. The lapel pin is the larger com badge’s lil cousin, and it’s also a faithful reproduction of the series prop due to being drawn from the same mold only scaled down. It uses a traditional pin clasp, so be prepared to poke some holes in things, and it’s more like a collector badge than anything else. It’s the kind of thing you can put on your shirt, jacket or bag, but it’s also very shiny, so it will draw some attention depending on what else you’re sporting. It’s a very cool little extra, and given the low price of the set, it’s a nice one, too.

Conclusion:

This is a damn fine set. Anyone looking for a cosplay prop or some TNG bling will be well served by this set. With the exception of the pain rub, this is an extremely well made and high quality set. Even with the paint rub, it’s more than worth $20. That it’s made of metal separates it from a lot of other replicas out there that are also in the $20 range, but are made from resin and/or 3D printed.

I’m not a huge com badge kind of guy because my heart will always belong to the TNG tricorder, and in second place would have to be the original series communicator, but this is one of the best pieces of TNG merchandise I own.

Category: TNGeez Blog-o-Rama!